Pandemic Archive

Chaos, Fear, Conspiracy and Uncertainty

By Freda McEwen . . .

Chaos, fear, conspiracy and uncertainty 

The overwhelming chill of the unknown  

The fear of being attacked by the unknown 

The evidence overtook common sense 

The speculation, secrets, suspicions 

were more evidential than the evidence 

Impossible to reason with reason as there is no reason 

People held at ransom 

Imprisoned by safety 

and forced to keep safe 

face to face overtaken by social media 

The unconscious more real than the unconscious  

Dreams more tangible than life experience 

Air became sparse 

Life became scarce 

Healthy and unhealthy left  

Gasping for breath forgetting they ever breathed 

The air infused with toxins 

and fear of death  

and dying alone 

Graveyards enriching its territory with untimely residents 

Worrisome as family reunion became a war zone 

Battling forgotten issues

Exhumed by the present climate 

A remake of settled squabbles due to idleness 

Intolerance, fist, preying on and being preyed on 

Love becomes questionable as families struggle to contain 

One another due to fear of contamination 

The hostility, the guile, the wickedness 

Of the pandemic cut across all  

Race, culture, age, gender, class, statue, rank 

And left none untouched 

Some wishing they could buy the terror 

and transfer it to the vulnerable and poor 

Pride eloping and ego fleeing as the elites 

And the wealthy are forced to gasp for last breath 

Night became day and day night  

Time crawling and moving slower than the heart beat 

Everyone is fearful  

Everyone is tearful 

Everyone is confused 

Shattered by the nightmare of who  

and what is next 

This is World war 

provoked by the unknown  

casualties taken unaware 

not opportune to run for safety  

or build bomb shelters 

It seems inevitable  

There is no choice 

Here I am battling the psycho terror autism 

As it tries to wreck my peace and takeover my space 

My son could not comprehend the chaos 

To him it is normal and fascinating 

Watching people pace up and down  

Looking terrified and bemused 

Washing hands is the best part 

Since he is obsessed with running the tap 

There is not much difference except  

Movement is limited and more people are at home 

Watching people wearing mask is like a circus 

He is fascinated by it 

He sees it as a costume, mere dress up 

The social distance he loves 

As he hates people invading his space 

The wait is the problem 

It builds his anxiety and trigger

Counting every grain of sound and getting 

Burnt out and fully spent 

Meanwhile my daughter  

Got fully acquainted with the kitchen 

A place only mum goes 

Rolling out one dish after the other 

Taking out tape to ensure no inches are added in her waist line 

Playing dress up and getting ready to go nowhere 

Frustrating but a lesson to learn 

Away from friends and indoors with family 

This is stifling as her brother’s screaming takes a toll on me 

Being in the house was too much to ask of him 

Engaging my daughter with conversation was boring to her 

My focus is on the present pandemic 

She just wants to sweep it under the carpet 

She wants to pretend it is an imagination 

She entertains herself as much as she can 

At least she always has a smile 

Especially when she speaks to her friends 

I am no longer interested in social media 

Which, could have interested her 

I am entrapped by motherhood 

Trying to contain and curtail their emotions 

This erupts all over the place 

Thrown uncannily at my face 

Without reservations or concern 

I am glad for my spirituality and that is my inner strength 

It keeps me hopeful and helpful 

So I got hooked in it 

I got disinterested in the media 

It became disruptive, thought provoking and annoying 

As it shatters my hope when I am in the process of eloping with it 

I stopped listening 

I stopped watching 

I just started listening to the rhythm of my heartbeat  

And, the sequence of my pupil dilation 

It is horrifying but yet thrilling 

Sending goose pimples down my spine 

I could hear the pin drop in the universe 

Hoping to reverse the deeds  

The silence and pain no one can comprehend 

I cuddle up to the unseen, inner companion and comforter 

Knowing he will grant me audience 

Even If everything fails 

And nothing stands 

As I get sandwiched into an unending lullaby 

The rhythm rhymes with my inner turmoil 

The trauma awakening my unconscious fear 

and sending my conscious confidence  

to an unending search for answers. 


1 thought on “Chaos, Fear, Conspiracy and Uncertainty

    • Hi Freda, I love this poem. It is so powerful. You have such an amazing ability to take people right inside slivers of your world. I felt I was along side you. Brilliant sharing of intimacies of your family life under the pandemic. I’m sure many parents will identify with this and especially those who are shielding their adult children with autism or learning disabilities. Thank you so much for creating and sharing this with us all.

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